Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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