Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
