Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
