the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
