i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
