I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
