It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
