I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
