Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
