she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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