Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
