I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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