you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
