I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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