We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
