Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
