I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize