I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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