If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
