i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
