I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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