So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
