so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
