fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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