I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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