I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
COCAINE IS GR8
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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