he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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