dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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