She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
