I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize