Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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