Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
