His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize