it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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