Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
