I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i think my cat just said my name.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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