Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
