I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
