i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize