is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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