I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
