Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
