In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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