I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
