Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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