she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
