I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize