Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
