i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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