Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
