Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize