It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
