Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
