there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
