Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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