It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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