I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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