I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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