We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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