He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
thus making me awesome and them whores
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
