I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
