What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
