I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize