I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
