We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
