I look better un-naked...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
