??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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