Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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