I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
