if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
