I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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