So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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