Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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