We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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