Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
