you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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