If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize